The cold confection conundrum

Haagen-Dazs, why are you so mysterious?

Your made-up name should grant you enough street cred to last a lifetime, even though your ice creams are made by Dreyers. And you're delicious. So, so delicious.

Here's the problem: you currently market a line of ice creams under the brand "Five" which promise to contain only five ingredients. In some cases, you take a loose definition of the number "five," but I won't begrudge you that-- if you need six ingredients to do God's work, I won't get in your way.

I'll even look past the fact that most of your plain-flavored ice creams include only five ingredients regardless of whether or not they're marketed under the "Five" brand. Since you charge the same no matter what, why should I care?

My problem-- the thing I can't figure out-- is why you use the same five ingredients for your "Five" brand as your regular brand, but you reorder the ingredients. In the "Five" chocolate, you've got skim milk, cream, sugar, egg yolks and chocolate listed in that order. For the regular chocolate, you've got cream, skim milk, sugar, egg yolks and chocolate listed in that order. And the nutrition facts are different, reflecting a different ingredient mix and thereby ruling out the possibility that we're dealing with a typo here.

You just did something to be different, and you didn't tell me why. It hurts. I thought we were friends, but I guess you're just my dealer and I'm just your user.

(And, as a side note, why do you only offer dark chocolate as a "limited edition" flavor between March and January of every year? Why can't dark chocolate lovers-- and, okay, I like milk better anyway-- get some of your super-premium ice cream in February?

I'm going to let everyone make their own Black History Month joke there, and I hope it's culturally sensitive.)